Reality check: I am not the superhero I thought I was, yet I am happier
I cannot be everywhere at once like superman can.
I cannot multitask and be as fast as Flash.
I do not have a utility belt full of helpful gadgets that will immediately solve my problem like Batman does.
I do not always hit my targets like Arrow does.
My powers of visualisation and manifesting is not as instant as Green Lantern’s (Maybe I need a ring too).
I do not have a Jarvis to take care of the techy bits of running my business for me.
I am not as sexy and nimble as Black Widow (irrelevant- but still… )
The make or break setback
See, I had intended to launch the Be Visible Challenge in November and the Wedding Business Academy soon after. But things did not quite go to plan:
– There were illnesses mine and the children’s
– There were last minute wedding invitation orders – I have a soft spot for these distressed brides, especially the one who have been let down. How can I say no?
– There was a pirate birthday party to plan and host…
– Christmas shopping to do…
– Family to spend time with…
– You get the gist, don’t you?
So when November came, I was too busy to launch the Be Visible Challenge, I had everything ready but I did not have the time to invest in it. I had 2 choices:
Feel sorry for myself and wallow in self doubt and feeling like a failure – which believe me, I did to a certain extent. I mean, what makes me think I can do this if I can’t even launch on time?
I could acknowledge it happened, or did not in this case. Because I was too busy as I took too much on and did not plan well enough. I am not the superhero I thought I was. I acknowledged and accepted my limitations then made a decision on whether I am going let this hold be back or move on.
I allowed myself to feel sorry and grieve for not doing what I wanted. I felt frustrated, and sad and annoyed, with a bucket load of self doubt added in for good measure.
I forgave myself. This is something I’ve been working on for the last year and a half: forgiving myself. Yes, for all the things I that do wrong, all the things I don’t do. I can tell you, this has not been easy. But it works wonders on my self confidence and allows me to move forward without any baggage.
I forgave others, the only others here is my husband. He is awesome, but I have to admit I wanted him to take a bit of responsibilities off my plate. I needed more help, especially around the house and it annoyed me that it did not happen. Full disclaimer, he is very supportive, has a busy job a lot of demand on his time too, so it is debatable whether he had the time to take things off my plate. But the point here is how I felt and I needed to let go of the negative emotions.
I was grateful for what I had, for all that I have done and this helped me realise that I do not need to be a superhero. I only needed to be me. In this particular situation, I needed less things for me to do, less to focus on so I could get it all done. Or I could get some help because there simply was not enough of me.
I looked at my vision, at what I wanted to achieve and what was important to me. I got back in touch with what feels right to me, what I wanted to do. Then I looked at what I needed to make all this happen. I asked for help to plan my little boy’s birthday my Mother in law and my husband’s Nan and Grandad happily obliged, I asked my husband for help with Christmas shopping and instead of hosting Chrismas get togethers and meals, we went over to our families’ and still had a happy Christmas.
As for my business, I could not keep 2 businesses running. Heck, I could not start another one while already running one. I did not have the time to hand make wedding stationery and help others build a successful business. Of course, I could delegate some tasks, get some help, a virtual assistant to do all my admin things, more childcare, etc. But it is not what I wanted. I wanted to give myself fully to what I do. What I wanted to do has slowly shifted from helping couples create their dream wedding to helping other ladies like me create success in their wedding business. So the decision was made in December and on January 9th I emailed all the couples I was working with and closed Sharp Weddings on January 10th.
I am not a superhero, and I do not need to be one. I am happier just being me.
This little story, if you’ve read up to here, was to share with you how I overcame a huge set back in my life, personally and professionally. Instead of crumbling to pieces or just plodding along, I chose to move forward, to feel good, happy, confident and do what I love.
If I can do it, so can you.
Do you feel like a failure and as a result your personal life and business are suffering?
We have all been there. Sometimes we get over it and then something else hits.
For me it was not launching WBA when I intended to. But it be a lot of things. It can be a wrong decision, making the wrong choice, losing something or someone, not making enough money, being behind on orders, getting hit with a huge bill, car breaking down… all these things that make you feel like the world is against you, make you feel guilty, like you are not good enough, or you are a failure.
Everyone walks this path sometimes because this can happen in various areas of our life, I also feel it when my sons complain that I am always ‘working’ or in my business, and when it happened, it used to cripple me, I was too unhappy and too busy feeling like a failure to function properly.
I bet you know exactly what I mean.
Have you experience this? Maybe by losing a job, not hitting your sales target, or losing a loved one, a painful break up?
Your life suffers.
You can overcome this. This is how I deal with my set backs:
1. Acknowledge it has happened
Well if something bad has happened: it has happened. You cannot change it or make it happen differently but you can acknowledge it happened in the first place so you can start dealing with it and move on.
2. Allow yourself time to take it in and grieve
It is ok, to feel sad, upset or angry about something. It does not make you bad, or not worthy. It only means that you care greatly about what happened, it affected you and you have a right to feel the way you do.
3. Forgive yourself and whoever else is involved
Do you need to forgive yourself? The answer is yes if you think that what happen is a direct or indirect result of something you did or did not do. Forgiving yourself means you are allowing yourself to move on from what happened. Was someone else responsible? Forgive them. Work on it if you can’t do it just now. Say it aloud, write it down, however many times you need until you have forgiven yourself and others.
4. Be grateful. Write down what you have now in your life that you are grateful for
This little exercise helps you put your life into perspective. See you are not a failure or a bad person, because you have things in your life you are grateful for.
‘Good things has happened to you, good things can happen to you and good things will happen to you.’
I journal everyday and one of the things I do is to write down at least 3 things I am grateful for.
5. Your vision. Define your vision, what you want your future to hold
To get back control of your life, be inspired by your vision. Your vision is what you want to happen in your life.
What do you want do to, achieve?
Where do you want to go?
What do you want to feel like?
What do you want to own?
What do you want to earn?
What do you want to achieve with your business?
Where do you want your business to go?
(more help with defining your vision here)
6. Work out how you get from where you are to your vision. Step by step actionable actions with a timescale
Now that you know what you want to do, look at how you can make it happen. What are the EXACT step by step? Write it down and get doing!
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